If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
