There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
