So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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