I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize