Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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