okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
