So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
