i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize