My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
