actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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