I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
