Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
