Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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