I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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