Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
