I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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