mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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