the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
