dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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