i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
