are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
