their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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