I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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