Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
