All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
