I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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