You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
