You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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