just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
