I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
