I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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