i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
