I didn't shave. On purpose
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
