i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize