A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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