:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
