Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
