I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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