i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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