so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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