After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
