I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and she was petting her beer can
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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