alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
