i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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