I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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