mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
