did you get engaged???
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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