You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
