This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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