don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
