me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm really busy with my period
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