doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
