I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
soo... how was my night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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