I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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