Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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